My Dearest Kamdyn,
I can hardly believe that you are 9. That seems completely cliche to say, but it's so true. Being your Mom has been the biggest blessing of my life. I have loved every single second of the past nine years. When I look back at photos of you when you were little, I get so sad. Sad because life was so busy when you were little. Being a working Mom left us in a whirlwind a lot of the time. And even though I know that we created many wonderful memories for you, I still get weepy when I think of all of the time that I missed sharing with you. You were forced to grow up quickly. We were always on a schedule. We had places to be and short amounts of time to get there. You were an independent, little old soul from the get-go. You jumped right up to the challenge and helped whenever you could. I hardly remember a time when you weren't able to do things for yourself.
While I sometimes get sad when looking back on your nine years, I also laugh and smile when hearing your sweet baby voice or seeing your precious little baby smile. Watching you learn and grow has been such a pleasure. You will always be Mommy's greatest joy for you were the one that first called me Mommy. You made my heart burst with love when you were born on that April Fool's morning in 2006. You were a teeny tiny 6 lb. 5 1/2 oz. bundle of pure sweetness. You cried a lot in the beginning, but I honestly think you were ready to be grown from the beginning. I had no idea what I was doing, but you taught me quickly what being a Mommy was all about. Sometimes I wish that I could hold you as a baby just one more time. If only I could smell that sweet baby smell while rocking you.....one more time. It's true what they say, "the days are long, but the years are short." It is so hard to remember those words when you are in the trenches without sleep and barely able to get through each day. I would give anything to have one of those days back.
My wish is that when you look back on your life that you are able to see just how much I loved you and how perfect I wanted/want your life to be. I know that I have made mistakes along the way (and will continue to make mistakes) and I am so sorry for being anything less than my best for you. I appreciate you always being so forgiving and loving me even on the "mommy is in a bad mood" days. Being a Mommy is tough stuff sometimes. You will see how wonderfully hard it is one day and will realize the struggles that I had/have from time to time.
My greatest hope is that you will continue to always be true to yourself. You are so admirable, Kamdyn Lucy. All of your friends love you so much because you stay true to your beliefs. You do what is right even when no one is looking. Those special qualities may give you grief one day when peer pressures roll around, but I hope you will continue to stand your ground. You will have many, many difficult decisions to make as you grow and become a teenager. Decisions that will make the nine-year-old struggles that you have now seem minuscule. You will make mistakes and that's okay. We all do. But I want you to know that I am here for you no matter the situation. I hope you will always come to me, as you do now, with pure innocent openness. You heart is so big. Your feelings are so transparent. You are sensitive, yet wise beyond your years. You are YOU and I hope you always want to be YOU. Being YOU is the absolute best thing for you!
As we enter in to the double digits, I know that we will continue to learn from each other. I hear that the teenage years are nighmarish, but I choose to believe that we will both be fine. You are a brilliant little girl with a very sound conscience and mind. Continue to trust in God and He will never leave you nor let you down. You are my heart, Kamdyn. I thank God for giving you to me. I do not exaggerate when I say that you make me want to be a better person. This ole' world needs a whole lot more Kamdyn Lucys in it. It would be a much better place, for sure!
I love you, sweet girl! I hope you know and feel my love every single second of the day. My life was instantly better the second that I met you!!
Love,
Mommy
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