The Day After my Birthday

The day after my birthday will never be the same.  I'll never forget waking up to my phone buzzing around 6:30 AM.  I didn't answer.  Richard went downstairs and called my Mom who had sent him a text to call.  My Mom told him the news.  He came back upstairs and told me.  My heart broke into a million pieces.  I ran into my closet so that I didn't wake the girls to have a complete crying meltdown.  I had to talk to my Mom immediately.  I was devastated.  I knew he was sick.  I knew his time was coming to be called Home, but I just thought I would know.  I thought we would have a warning.  A few days, a few weeks.  His breathing episode was not very different from others that he had had before.  But, this was his last, around 3:45 that morning.  My Mom was sitting right beside him providing comfort.  I know he left her arms and went right into the arms of Jesus.  What a glorious feeling it must have been for him.  He could breath!  No more pain.  No more suffering.

Our next decision was how/when to tell the girls. My heart broke all over again.  They hadn't experienced the loss of a loved one.  They are only 8 and 3.  I wanted to protect them from the sadness that was to come.  They are my babies.  But I knew we had to tell them.  Karcie didn't understand. We told Karcie that Pop Pop lives with Jesus now.  She kept asking, "But where is he?"  Kamdyn cried.  She had been fortunate enough to be around my Daddy for a little while before he got sick.  She understood a little more.  But I could tell that her little mind just couldn't wrap itself around Pop Pop being gone.  Neither could I!

After this, I went in to some kind of crazy auto-pilot mode.  The next few days are a complete blur.  I packed all of us up and we left within a couple of hours.  I barely remember the ride to Easley.  I will never forget how I felt the second that I stepped into their house.  I needed to be with my Mom.  I needed to see her and I needed to hug her.  I needed to know that she would be okay..... That we would be okay.

Shortly after that, I sprang into action.  I had to be sure that his funeral was perfect for him.  We dug through boxes and boxes of pictures.  I went through my entire blog searching and reminiscing.  Richard took the girls to Ruthie's and gave my Mom and me several hours to be alone.  We needed that time.  But, when it was bedtime, I simply could not bare to be alone.  I needed Richard back with me.  Thankfully, he accepted my crazy request and drove back.  Sleep was minimal for several nights (I'm still having a hard time sleeping), but it was much better with Richard beside me.  I've known this for many years, but Richard calms me.  He keeps me grounded.  I will never be able to thank him enough for being right beside me through each sad moment....from meeting with the funeral director, picking out caskets, choosing music, going to the cemetery.  I was overwhelmed and it was so emotional.  My Mama and I needed him!

I was simply amazed at the out-pouring of love that we felt at this most difficult time.  Friends from all walks of our lives came to be with us.  They came to remember and honor my Daddy.  In his last months, he was very depressed.  Everyone else's lives were continuing.  His was not.  He sat in the house day after day with nothing to do.  People were busy.  I was busy.  My Daddy felt alone.  I suppose when you are sick it's hard to realize that everyone else still has a busy life to maintain.  He would get sad because he felt that not enough people came by to visit or called.  Now, it breaks my heart.  I always thought I would have another time to visit him.  I didn't.  I hope that he was able to see from Heaven all of those who cared about him and our family.  I hope he now sees just how much he meant to so many.  People that he worked with for years filled three entire pews in the chapel.  I though that was amazing!  Many of those friends/co-workers drove many miles to be there.  My heart was filled with joy for my Daddy!

I dreaded the visitation, funeral, and burial. Would I make it through?  God gave my Mom and I the strength.  The visitation was long, but good.  We talked to many that we hadn't seen in years.  The funeral was so sweet and definitely was a tribute to his life.  My Daddy served in the army many years ago.  We thought it only fitting that he have a military funeral.  He loved America.  He would have been so proud to hear TAPS being played.  Chills covered my entire body.  It was simply beautiful!  When the soldier handed my Mom the flag and gave his condolences from The President of the United States and the United States Army, I couldn't have been prouder.  That is, until my girls stood up and sang "Jesus Loves Me."  There was not a dry eye there.  I watched tough, grown men, hang their heads as they fought back tears.  My precious girls sang for their Pop-Pop.  Hearing them sing would have been my Daddy's favorite part!

After a death, no matter how broken your heart is, you are forced to go back to reality.  Kamdyn had only been in school for four days.  She had to get back.  Leaving my Mom was one of the hardest things that I had to do.  She is strong.  She has a great support system there with so many wonderful friends, but it was still so hard!

We are slowly, but surely continuing on.  I am still having a hard time going to sleep at night.  Memories and thoughts of my Daddy flood my mind when I am still.  Questions that will never be answered.  Why did he have to get sick?  Why didn't he get to live to be a ripe old age?  Why him? Why us?  I know God has all of the answers and it's not my place to question His will.  But, it's hard.  I'm human.  I feel cheated.  I feel like my girls have been cheated.  My Daddy and their Pop Pop is gone from this Earth.  He is in a better place.  Of that, I have no doubt.  This alone gives me comfort.  Comfort in knowing that we will all see him again one day.  We will see him when he is no longer sick and no longer struggling to breath.

If I've learned anything from this experience, it's that life waits for no one.  Live every day loving those that are close to you.  Love them for who and what they are, despite the circumstances, for tomorrow may never come.

Please pray for our family as we continue on.  The cards, FB messages, phone calls, texts, food, prayers, and love have been so appreciated.  If I haven't responded to all of you, it's not because I am not grateful.  Those gestures get me through.  I am still getting cards in the mail.  My heart smiles each time that I check the mailbox and receive a new one.  I am so blessed to have so many who care for me and my family.

NOW, I'm off to love on my family!  Go love on yours, too!

~Kimberly

My dear friend, Shannon, was a part of my life for many, many years.  She spent many a summer at my house and went on several vacations with my family.  My Daddy loved her just like a daughter.  Seeing her was so wonderful!

Shannon now lives in Myrtle Beach.  I'm so glad that we reconnected!

Through the tears and sadness of the weekend, we still found reasons to smile!!

Got Coke?  I found myself lining these up and making all of the labels face forward.  I did this without even realizing it.  Then, I got tickled!

My Daddy was so particular before he got sick.  Everything had it's place.  I get my OCD honestly!! The pantry was always organized.  Everything was pulled to the front and the labels faced forward.  This photo gives you an idea although this isn't quite as organized as it was before he got sick.  I assume this is where I get my color coordinated closet organization, too.  :)

Our friends who lived beside us when I was growing up came by to hang out with us.  It was so great to hear them tell so many happy stories of my Daddy.  I'm glad that Kamdyn got to hear them, too.

Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jim helped with the girls while we made arrangements.  For that, we are forever grateful!  Aunt Kathy and Kamdyn played the piano.

This is Karcie at the funeral home.  They said she sat down and said, "I'm sad.  I miss Pop Pop."  It breaks my heart.

Before we left the cemetery, Karcie insisted on having one of Pop Pop's yellow flowers. Who was I to argue?

Love this photo of Ruthie and her two handsome boys.   I think they get better looking every single day.  

There comes Kamdyn, the photo bomber!!  

Karcie with Mr. Al

My precious Augusta friends, Denise, Suzanne, and Al drove up to be there with us.  My heart was full!  I love these people so much and felt honored that they were there with us.  Suzanne lost her Mom and Dad and Denise lost her Mom several years ago.  All three of them had cancer.  I remember their struggles and have listened to them remember their parents through the years.  But, I never truly understood their heartache until now.  These two have always been like sisters to me giving me wisdom in so many areas of my life.  I thank God for them and their forever friendship!  When they arrived at the funeral home, Kamdyn was having a little bit of a hard time.  Al took her to get a milkshake.  He sat outside with Kamdyn and Karcie and got their mind off of everything.  Al has the biggest heart!

Matthew also surprised us by coming up from Florida.  I told him it was not necessary, but we sure were glad that he was there.  These two girls were so happy to see him!  They were attached to him the entire time.  He provided a great distraction for them......calming, peaceful, and fun!